I’m starting this blog assuming that you are familiar with the term “imposter syndrome” – that feeling of anxiety that comes from self-doubt (doubt that may not be shared by anybody else observing or experiencing your performance). It’s the feeling that you don’t really belong in the situation you are in, because many of the people around you know much more than you do, have more experience in certain areas than you do, or both. You temporarily overlook the fact that the people you are working with were all beginners at what you are now doing once – just like you, and they also had so much to learn. They probably did a few things back then that they would do differently now, but you overlook their learning journey and treat them as always having been as good as they are now (in your eyes). It’s the conviction that your beliefs are facts – even though you don’t have any concrete evidence to support that being the case.
It’s odd because, when you are working on a team project, one of the things you are always looking for (or should be) is evidence to support any case that you are going to put forward, and any recommendations that you are going to make. Why, then, are you prepared to apply a standard to yourself that is different to what you are applying to what the team produces?
I’ve experienced this myself many times, just as I’ve seen it happens many times with project teams where I’ve been working with. I’m still experiencing it now with my work towards a Doctor of Professional Practice (Leadership) qualification. Reflecting on it, I think I might have an insight into part of the answer. It’s something I’ve called Imposter Sundrome.
If you are critiquing your own performance:
- Based on your subjective view of it
- Based on your own unreasonable expectation that you should reach a high competence level virtually straight away (without the learning and lived experience that go together to create competence)
- Based on believing that your lack of experience relative to others on your team, or in the field you are working in means you won’t be taken seriously)
- Without objective evidence (because you haven’t asked for feedback on it)
- Without accepting any feedback that you may have been given (because it conflicts with your own internal narrative)…
…this is a fairly common combination of opinions and those opinions, if not addressed, start to drive your behaviours. You start to avoid situations where you have to not only have opinions of your own, but also to explain and defend them. You start to move away from even looking for opportunities to learn more, do more, and become better at doing what you are a part of the team for. The fewer opportunities you take, the fewer you might be offered. The fewer ideas you put forward and work with, the slower your ability to analyse complex situations develops – and the more your belief that you are a fraud who doesn’t belong in the space you wanted to work in becomes true (in your own mind).
You have gone from experiencing a syndrome to experiencing what I call a sundrome. Mentally, you are in a space that’s so dark, it’s like no sunlight is getting in. Everything you think about your performance and your contribution is negative. The sunlight of being a valuable human being, of being a valuable team member, is gone from your life.
Some of that might have been sucked away by the actions of other people who maybe don’t know you that well, or who may be dealing with issues of their own that blind them to you being selected for the team not just because of what you know and can do now, but for the exciting potential you bring to it for the future. If your experience is similar to mine, though, much of your sunlight may have been pushed away by you, like some sort of defence mechanism. Avoiding what makes you feel uncomfortable not only keeps any future sunlight out of your life, but prevents you being able to go back to the sunlight from your previous comfort zone.
In case you think your Imposter Sundrome is something that’s only affecting you – think again. It’s affecting everybody on your project team, because your willingness to be the best collaborator you can be is getting lost in the place where the sunlight isn’t shining any more. That’s putting pressure on others to do more than they might otherwise need to (best-case scenario). The worst-case scenario is that you might be sucking sunlight away from some of your fellow team members.
Imposter Sundrome is a depressing and debilitating thing to experience. I’ve seen it and lived it the hard way. I’m interested in learning about your thinking on this topic because it’s through collaborative conversations that we can create even more valuable learning and development experiences. Please do respond with a comment and let me know what you think.
In my next blog on Thursday 18 May, I’m going to share some tips for dealing with Imposter Sundrome, so make sure you don’t miss that one.
Rob Nelson Education 