In my previous blog, I discussed the difference between Imposter Syndrome and Imposter Syndrome. I think it’s an important difference because while the Syndrome is relatively easy to detect in a person’s words and actions, the Sundrome is not as easy to deal with as “Take one of these pills three times a day for ten days and your problem should disappear.”
I, for one, wish there was an easy way to make Imposter Sundrome go away. I would probably be lining up to buy it if that was the case. I might even apply to become a brand ambassador for it. The deep-seated contributing factors to it are experienced in a completely individual way, based on a range of factors complex enough to fill a slew of psychology and self-help textbooks, quite a number of which sit on my bookshelves. Although my undergraduate degree majored in Business Psychology, and I’ve definitely got some lived experience of the Sundrome, I’m not attempting to prescribe a cure here in the same way that you might expect a medical professional to do.
Instead, I’m going to share some ideas from my own experience; things that I know work. Up front, I have to tell you that none of these is a “miracle cure” – they will all require repeated application. How many applications? Depends on how strong your Sundrome is. Can your Sundrome return after having been successfully dealt with? Yes. Will it be as strong as it was the last time? Depends on the circumstances next time, but it’s certainly possible.
- Sundrome: Being told openly, or having it implied you don’t have any value and you don’t add any value. Response: Tell yourself (because it’s true) there is no such thing as a valueless person – you add value in the lives of other people just because you exist. The fact that you may think differently to other people on the team, or do things in different ways to them, is not the same as having or adding no value. List down the things that you are good at and the things you’ve done well. Make sure to add in the things you did for the first time as part of the project – the fact you got them done is definitely a success worth claiming. After a little while you might be surprised about how many things are on your list – you’ve got a track record of being valuable and adding value. Go with your gut feelings – not what other people tell you they think at the expense of what you think and feel.
- Sundrome: You don’t belong in the team. Response: Somebody whose judgement matters (maybe several somebodies) thought you were good enough to want you as part of their team in the first place. Entry to the team was competitive, and you got in based on telling the reasonable truth about yourself. If the others wanted a different truth and that’s the one you aren’t living up to, that’s their problem and not yours. Keep being faithful and consistent to your reasonable truth and don’t let anybody else try to make you somebody you aren’t meant to be. Your worst-case scenario here of deciding to leave the team who can’t appreciate you for who and what you are might actually be your best -case scenario because it allows you to stay true to yourself.
- Sundrome: You are stuck in a situation you know is bad for you and the only way through it is to just “Suck it up, Buttercup.” Response: Give yourself permission to step away from the situation and go smell the sunshine for a little while. You don’t need anybody else’s permission to practice self-care, and it’s certainly not selfish. It might feel unnatural to do that, because maybe you’ve been trained (or you know the expectation is) to stay with a task until it’s done – but you also know your mind isn’t going to be fully engaged with the task until you’ve taken a break where you aren’t thinking about it, because you are thinking about yourself for a change.
- Sundrome: Nobody else is interested in what you think and feel. Response: Whether you talk with somebody in your team or somebody outside the team, please do reach out rather than keeping everything bottled up inside. When you make that choice, you need to feel comfortable that they will listen respectfully rather than judgementally. Be clear in your own mind, and be clear with them, about what you want them to do. Maybe you just need somebody to listen while you unload, because that’s how you’re going to work your way towards decisions about what you need to do next. Maybe you want them to advise you what to do next – my caution here is around giving them the power to make you do certain things, because they aren’t living your experiences.
- Sundrome: Having work rejected as not what was asked for, or not `fit for purpose`, isn’t a judgement you can’t make changes. Response: Ask for specifics about what needed to be different – some examples would be really useful. It’s your right to ask those questions, and you need those answers to learn or know what has to be different next time. If this is the first time you’ve done work like this, achieving `perfection` first time around is pretty unlikely. If you’re working on progressive improvement, including the answers to your questions into how you handle future tasks is going to lead to improvement, and that’s the space you need to be in.
- Sundrome: I need to be as good as everybody else is on my team. Response: No. You need to be the best possible version of you, and that’s also all that anybody else has a right to expect of you. You’ll have some days that are better than others – that’s life. Just focus on being the best version of you every day. Comparing yourself to others – to what they say they are awesome at, or how you perceive them being different to you – isn’t the answer to anything, because you might be looking at a carefully created persona that they want everybody else to see. If you have to compare yourself to anybody – make sure it’s you.
I’m interested in learning about your thinking on this topic because it’s through collaborative conversations that we can create even more valuable learning and development experiences. Please do respond with a comment and let me know what you think.
In my next blog on Thursday 1 June, I’m going to talk about judgement, and how it can be a double-edged sword when it comes to making decisions.
Rob Nelson Education 